And then I killed the neighbors.

So yesterday was a lovely holiday, we pretty much chilled at home with exception to a family excursion to Home Depot, and the grocery store, we stuck here to get some stuff done and ready for our party. Just about dark there was excitement in the air, and the popping, cracking, and booming of the illegal neighborhood fireworks began.

So the 3 of us grabbed a few camp chairs and parked it at the end of our driveway to catch a glimpse of some free entertainment. A few of our neighbors actually had some nice shows going on, so that at all times we had something to look at, regardless of the whiplash we all now suffer. After about an hour, we decided to head back in to the back yard, get the meat on the smoker for our party tonight, and to watch the shows that were going on behind us. Another hour or so of that, the boy fell asleep in my lap, so off to bed he went, and off to the couches for us.

Around 11pm the excitement started to die down, and most of the ruckus had faded. I decided that I have had enough for one holiday, so say goodnight to the husband and head off to bed. Shortly after falling in a much needed slumber, I was brutally shaken from my sleep from what I can only imagine is the full scale reenactment of pearl harbor. I jump up out of bed, as I am pretty sure that someone just hit our house with a 1/2 ton mortar. As I walk outside the sky lights up directly overhead with what I can only imagine was about $700 worth of boomer. Holy shit, I look at the clock it is almost 12:30...wtf people. It appears that the nuclear fallout is coming from the house directly behind us.

Now, I do not want to be a fuddy duddy, but listen, it is fucking approaching 1am, and people are SLEEPING you inconsiderate fuck balls. I decide against calling the police for two reasons... FIRST and foremost I am SURE that they are flooded with calls from other pissed off citizens calling to complain about the noise, and Second, well it is the 4th of July, and they are setting them off so few and far between, that I cannot tell if they stopped or not. After a few minutes, I am relieved in my delusion that they have desisted, and that I can safely go back to bed.

The husband and I both head back to bed, and get setted in. Not 3 minutes later Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh....BOOM BOOOM BOOOOOM!!! MUTHER FUCKER!! That is IT. The boy coms walking into our room, and climbs into our bed (last straw assholes). So I head outside into the backyard...and if you were in the northern hemisphere, or anywhere near Texas, I was the one screaming obsceneites at the top of my lungs, directed at the unseen neighbors. Whooosh...BOOOM! I run into the house, (as much of a run as I can get to at 6 months pregnant) flip on the bedroom light and begin to rapidly get dressed. I have had enough, it is now 1am, I am going over there. My husband tells me to relax...(he has no idea how close to death he was). He also starts getting dressed, and tells me that he will go. I walk out into the backyard, and they set off a double set...I saw red.

I jump in my car, there are already other bleary eyed people trolling around in their cars trying to see where the fireworks are coming from. I race around the corner, and see my husband just rounding their street to where the offenders are. Shit, I did not even know he had left the house. Here I am all set to start ripping into some drunk teenagers, and low and behold it is a family, a ghetto family, complete with YOUNG kids, outside sitting in the driveway, testing out their pyrotechnic skills at 1am. My husband holds up his hand to me as if to say "I got this", as he walks over there and says something I cannot hear, which to me is unacceptable, the whole neighborhood would have heard my tirade had I been allowed to go over there. They in return say something smart ass to him, and he turns and walks away.....WHAT?? That is that?? There was no bitch slapping, no screaming or yelling?? As he turns to walk back toward me, I notice the telltale lump in the back of his shirt...and he walks back toward home, very calmly. Talk about walk softly. How anti-climatic is that??

That entire scenario would have gone down WAY differently had I gotten there first. But he apparently said that the police have been notified, it is 1am, kids are sleeping, and it needs to stop. And they replied with something to the effect of ok, we are done now.

My left eye popped out of my head and rolled down the sidewalk.

Thankfully they did stop, cause I was going to be the one with a bulge in the back of my shirt, in the shape of the 12 gauge if it didn't. My question here is WHAT the fuck is in peoples heads? What on earth would make them think it was ok to make that much noise at that late hour setting off explosives directly over my house?? Just because it is the 4th of July, does that automatically mean that you can be an inconsiderate douche bag? I realize that it is a day to celebrate our freedom, but holy shit people...learn some mother fucking respect for your neighbors.

It took me 45 minutes to fall back asleep from the adrenaline, and unspent aggression. Then I dreamt of an entire NY City fireworks show, being "accidentally" set off inside the fuckheads living room. I slept like a baby.

Happy 5th of July people, enjoy your hangovers, 2 more days till my first sober birthday in 15 years. (not that I am that old, but who actually starts drinking on their 21st birthday...for the first time). The next person that rolls up and tells me what a drag it is that I cannot drink on my birthday is getting a bottle of bourbon shoved up their ass.