Golden Showers

This was not my proudest moment as a parent but I suppose that someday I might get a chuckle out of this.

Over the weekend we spent pretty much most of Saturday with friends. My good friend Courtney had everyone over to BBQ and watch the airshow, although we saw one airplane in about 3 hours, we did get to sit and listen to a drunken tirade and have a heated debate about pedophilia. But that is a story for...well....never. But a good time was had by most.

Afterward I headed home to start making sauce for dinner, we had planned to have a couple friends over for dinner. The adults had a HILARIOUS time rehashing the events of the day, and eating my famous stuffed shells Arriabiatta. While the children played outside, upstairs in the toy room, and were for the most part very well behaved the entire evening...amazingly.

Well....until.

Later in the evening, My husband was showing off his Wii to the guys, and the remaining kids were upstairs playing, while us wemins chilled on the couch and blabbed about this and that. Suddenly from above we hear a blood curdling scream from one of the boys, and one of the girls races upstairs to attend to her 3 year old son. I assume that one of the kids, hit/smacked/hurt the feelings of one of the others so I stay put.

Moments later I hear her screaming my son's name at the top of her lungs, which I assume cannot be a good thing. Everyone runs upstairs....well cept me, I do not run anywhere these days. But again I assume that if the problem is severe enough someone will have me airlifted to the second floor to investigate, and there are already 3 adults up there. I will just wait to see what happens.

So as she begins to decend the stairs with her 3 year old son in tow, I am looking for blood, but he just appears to be wet from head to toe...hair, face, shirt..etc?? I automatically assume tht they got into the bathroom, flooded the entire upstairs, and I should grab the phone and call the insurance company. When I hear this: "HE peed on me".

"WHAT???? I am sorry I think I just hallucinated....say what now"?

My lovely 4 year old son had stood on the top bunk of the bed (or so we thought at the time) and peed down onto this poor child.

Yeah, I will just let you absorb that statement for a minute.

So the husband is upstairs with the boy, and I can only imagine that arrmegeddon is about to break loose up there, while I go and help them get the boy into the bathtub, and a fresh change of clothes.

Once I have them settled in, I decided that it might be a good time to go investigate upstairs myself...so I waddle my big ass up there, only to see that the walls in my son's room are sprayed with urine...I mean all the way around the whole room....How the hell did he get this kind of range??? I mean there are some areas where it is at least 9-10 feet from the top bunk where there is a wet spray across the wall. I was astounded that my sweet little boy would even consider pulling out his tiny little winkie and peeing on another human being, but I have to say that the range that he got was even more perplexing at that moment.

So I enter the room, where the husband is really trying not to lose it, beat the child senseless, and trying to get him to tell us what he did. The first thing I notice is the astringent funk of pee, but almost instantaneoulsy I see that there is a squirt gun lying on the floor at the foot of the bed, and it appears to be wet.

So....I investigate the device by making the collossal mistake of sniffing it...low and behold my son PEED.... inside a squirt gun..... in order to shoot the other kids with his urine.

Go ahead...I will wait.

Now I dunno where an idea as such could possibly have entered his mind, or if he thinks that this is a frat house, but I was NOT amused. He got a pretty good spanking, a stern lecture, and is STILL grounded from Candy, junk food, pretty much anything that is not Breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I considered peeing on him, but I really just do not have the kind of velocity needed to get the job done.

I was so embarrassed, I put him in the shower afterwards, and attempted an apology to the poor boys parents, but the most I could come up with was "sorry my kid peed on your kid". Which actually sent us all into hysterical peels of laughter....but seriously...not funny. How do you go about apologizng for your child peeing on another kid?? Is that like a fruit basket kind of moment? I mean should I send a card? Flowers?

Anyone know the proper apology gift ettiquite for when your kid pees on another kid?