Open letters to people who suck at the grocery store!

To the assfuck that parks right next to my car, even when I park really far away in the parking lot and have to hoof it 200 yards to get into my destination...fuck you. Seriously, I go out of my way to park in an isolated spot in the parking lot to avoid having to squeeze my kid into the side door, and I do not want you denting my new car because of your lack of parking skills and frontal lobe activity. Yet some douchebag always for some reason unknown to me, decides to park RIGHT next to my car. WHY?? Do you not see that I parked way the fuck out in BFE to avoid exactly that? Did you not notice that there was not another car around me for at least 6 spaces in any direction? Do you get some sick thrill from annoying perfect strangers? Do you WANT me to key your car? Are you trying to see if you can my my head explode? When you come out to your crater sized door ding, please know that you fucking earned every bit of it you inconsiderate fuck nugget!

The lady in the store with the kid that is howling, blowing a whistle, making annoying woot woot noises at the top of their lungs, screaming temper tantrums, running up and down the aisles and just downright being spastic, letting the little urchins stand or play directly in the middle of the shopping aisle while you ignore them to pick out a case of ho ho's, you know who you are....make it stop...or I will! Seriously get ahold of your bastard little offspring and learn how to control them, or leave their little country asses with the baby daddy. If I wanted to listen to that nonsense, I would have stayed at home with my own kids. Seriously the only time a kid should be screaming in the store is when you just slapped the shit out of them for being obnoxious in the first place...and at which time you should be making your way to the door to go lock them in the car.

To the giagantic fat people, with the giagantic fat kids who have carts full of twinkies, coke, fried chicken, bacon, and potato chips with not a single piece of fruit or vegetable to be seen. You are the worst of everyone...you are killing your children, making me want to kill you. I bet you smoke ciggarettes in the car with the windows rolled up and your kids in the backseat don't you? If you want to be a fat nasty glutton couple that is fine, but you are raising some big nasty obnoxious kids too...I hate you! I would love to kill you, but heard disease is going to beat me to it. Buy a couple of apples, or some brocolli or something...Your kids are fat because YOU made them that way...shame on you.

Whew....that was theraputic...hope you enjoyed the rant as much as I enjoyed ranting. Have a lovely day, and if you go to the grocery store...think of me fondly.