How he lived this long I will never know.

The other night I go into my bathroom and begin my nightly ritual of getting ready for bed, as usual. I take a tinkle, put my hair up, apply some face lotion, wash my hands, grab my toothbrush an begin to brush my teeth. Gradually I begin to notice that something is amiss, I smell something that is out of place...not the normal minty freshness of my toothpaste but something quite a bit more foul. With a perplexed look on my face, I remove my toothbrush from my mouth, and run through the olfactory files in my brain trying to place the funk. When it occurs to me that what I am smelling is Urine. Yeah, you got that, just about the last thing you want to smell while you are brushing your teeth.

So I start to investigate, sniffing around the bathroom, is it on the floor...hmm, no not the floor, the sink maybe, uh uh...not the sink, but getting warmer. I peer into the little hole in my toothbrush holder and huh, it is filled with liquid...that is odd. So I grab it up and take a big whiff, got my nose right down into one of those little holes and HOLY SHIT, that little fucker peed in my toothbrush holder!!

Blech, so I spit out the toothpaste and proceed to disinfect my mouth, cuz OMG I am going to kill him. At this point the thought of going up and shakin his little butt awake to dump toothbrush holder pee on his head is the only thing that makes any sense at all. But it is almost midnight and the urge to go to bed in peace suddenly overwhelms the need for satisfaction...so I woke up my husband instead. He said "Gross" and rolled over and went back to sleep.

WHAT is wrong with that child? WHY on earth would he pee in the toothbrush holder?? Oh, the best part is that his toothbrushes were also in there, and they were brush down in the piss!! My toothbrush goes handle down, so I basically got pee on my hand (2 kids, that has totally happened a million times) but his have goofy cars on the handle so they have to be put in there with the brush facing down....so now I feel a little better, and a little worse at the same time. My kid is so dumb that he peed in the toothbrush holder that he keeps his own toothbrush in...and basically just brushed his teeth with his own urine....fucking awesome!

Needless to say I pitched his toothbrush, and mine..and soaked the holder in bleach overnight...next day I asked him why he peed in there, he said that it was contact lens solution...uh nice try dude...but mama aint no fool. He eventually confessed, we had a long talk, I made sure to let him know that he brushed his teeth with his own pee, and then grounded him.

But I swear there is something wrong with that boy.